Lil'Butterfly

i work with a two year old!!!

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 01:42:15 GMT

So i have been having problems with the main receptionist at my work since day 1. She's been at the company for 16 years (points that out to me all the time) and refuses to get into modern technology so much to the fact that despite that i back her desk up when she is not there, the company refused to buy a license for Adobe 8 for her computer so i can do my work when i am at her computer. If someone asks her to do something that is my job when i am not there, she acts like she has no clue how to do it and then lets it wait until i get back.

Anyway... today, there was a file missing and the Assistant Accounting Manager told us about it and then handed her the information to go look for it. i closed down my desk and came up to her to let her know that i was prepaired to cover her desk - the main switchboard and reception area. She tells me - without even looking at me - 'Oh, i have all this filing to do tomorrow so you can go look for that today. Unless you want to do the filing tomorrow'. Now, keep in mind, the accounting filing is her job and the training filing is my job - which has been as such since i got saddled with the training filing. Not wanting to cause a stir or anything, i just grab the paper and go back to start digging through the files.

After a while, the Assistant Accounting Manager sees me back there and asks what the heck i am doing. i explain to her what i had been told. Her Oh HELL NO attitude immediately told me she was upset. She tells me to go tell the front desk lady that she is to come back here immediately because it's her filing that is messed up. On second thought, she decides to go and tell her herself.

So, off i follow her to the front. She tells child-lady that since she's been doing all the filing back there she needs to go and find the misfiled document. "Tell me about it!' she screams. "I've been doing all the filing and she hasn't been doing anything!" The AAM tells her that i've been doing all the training filing to which the child-lady screams "No, she hasn't, they have temps in training and they are doing it!" The AAM shakes her head and tells her to go back and find the misfiled document. By now, everyone down the hallway has heard this lady's tempertantrum including a few of them seeing her snatch the paper out of the AAM's hand and huff off towards the files.

The lady who was looking for the document felt bad because she didn't mean to start problems that she told the AAM that she would just recreate the document and that the child-lady could go back up front. Did i mention that child-lady is noted for saying 'i answer phones... that's all i want to do! Doesn't my 16 years count for anything!?!'

Anyway, the Accounting Manager came up and let her go home early because she was 'so upset' by the situation. i just can't believe that she acted that way over something that she obviously misfiled in the first place. OMG!! i work with a two year old!!! i swear if we have a meeting tomorrow and it comes back that i have to start doing accounting filing, i am going to tell her that she has to start doing training filing - which actually the training department doesn't want her back there and she hates it back there. i think it's a great trade-off because i like going over there and hanging out with the training department.

coze

My New Egg Toy

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 19:03:19 GMT

Okay, so yesterday Billy bought me a PedEgg for my feet. If you have not heard these, they are for rough and dry and callused feet. Last night, He carefully worked it across my feet and today my feet are all silky smooth without the harsh cracks that happen when i go get a pedicure... YEAH!!! i have not seen my heels this clean in a Looooooooooooooong time!

Definately Interesting...

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 16:36:01 GMT

So, last Tuesday, my mouth started hurting. Not really my mouth but up near my ear. This got worse over the week and i just ignored it thinking it was an old root canal that i have that acts up every now and then. Well, by Friday, i couldn't see straight. i had an insane case of vertigo going on and i was in a total fog in life. The whole right side of my face hurt and i finally took 5 horus of sick leave to go to the Dentist to see what was going on. At the Dentists, she said it definately wasn't my teeth and asked me if i had had all my shots growing up. Yes, i replied, thinking that was an odd question. She triaged me down to the doctor's office on the first floor, and the first words out of the Doctor's mouth there was 'did you have your MMR series when you were growing up?' WTF? i wondered as i answered that i had. The Doctor then informed me that i had an infection in my salivary gland and if it was viral it was mumps but if it was bacterial i was okay. i highly doubted it was mumps, so i asked how i could have gotten a bacterial infecting in my salivary gland. She said it was usually caused by something getting into the gland during salivation which can be during excessive oral sex... then the light bulb went off... DING!! Could the ball gag session i had to endure previous to the pain had caused this problem. Now, i don't know if any of you have ever had to explain to your Doctor about your lifestyle, but i even had to explain to her what a ball gag was. After talking it through, she said that she didn't think it was mumps and probably that the ball gag could have caused the problem (not that it was dirty but i didn't tip my head forward to droll will in the rack and that probably caused the problem.

So, i'm off work for a few days and have a really wonderful story to tell all my friend... YIPPIE!!

coze

Bringing Pleasure...

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 20:35:40 GMT

So odd as it may sound... i brought great pleasure to my Amo yesterday and i didn't even touch Him to do it... How you might ask? i did something i had not done in four years... i cleaned out my closet. He was all happy and even helped me clean up the clothes and put them into bags to take to Value Village and then prompty took them over before i could cry and put them all back in my closet... it's so empty now... *sniffle*

coze

Every other Friday...

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 14:05:19 GMT

So we have flex days at work. Basically, we work an eight hour day and then eight nine hour days and get a day off. i get every other Monday off, but my counterpart gets every other Friday off. i love having my Monday off, but i must get through her Friday first... which is very difficult. See, her work MUST be done each day and when she's not there, that leaves me to do it... my work, for the post part, lays untouched because it's not as pressing. There are pressing things that have to be done each day but they are about thirty minutes worth of work compared to her two hours... i love having every other Monday off because it helps me to recover from the hell i have to go through on Friday before it...

back to your regularly scheduled program...

coze

Chaos worth the Adventure

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 16:24:47 GMT

Amo says that the title should be the other way around... i think it's just a funny story. Yesterday, i decided that i wanted to do something special for Amo. He has this St. Patrick's Day shirt that He's had for years that is tattered to shreds and yet He still wears it because He likes it. So, i decide that i am going to go to the t-shirt shop to have it recreated for Him. i decide to go to the one in the dirt mall (a local swap-meet type shopping center) and find out that the shop doesn't have a green shirt in 2XL... bummer... okay... go to the Custom T-shirt shop in Lakewood - not open on Sunday... Now i'm a bit irritated because that means i have to drive to South Center to the other shop i know. i call up there to make sure that they have a green 2XL and the guy on the phone confirms that they do have them in stock because of the holiday. He then informs me that i could go to the SeaTac Center (The Federal Way Commons for those newbies since Amo didn't know what SeaTac was either) because it was closer to me. Cheers!!

So, Amo and i head to the STC. The guy in there is cool with printing 'Got Green?' on a shirt but didn't think he could get the shamrock all small to be the period on the question mark. Okay, Amo is okay with putting it to the side... but then the guy couldn't get the program to work the way that he wanted to. He fought and yes CURSED at it a few times and then told us that there was some tech person coming in and could we go do some other shopping. He assured us that she would be in there in like 10 minutes. Almost an hour later we walk in and he's still pulling his hair out trying to figure the thing out. He looks at us, curses again, picks up the phone and tells the person on the phone 'I need you to come in here and help me with a project. I can't figure it out.' He gets off the phone and tells us she will be there in like 10 minutes. I'm PEEZED now! I walk out and Amo tells him to not worry about it. I then walk back into the store and tell the Doofus off - not cursing because it's not my way but at least telling him that i thought what he did to us was very Sheety!

I then call South Center and explain to them what happened because i know they are a family run store. The lady that i talked to was very appolgetic and informed me that if i wanted to drive up there she would get done exactly what we wanted and discount us. i didn't care about driving to South Center, i was willing to do that in the first place... i just did not appreciate having to deal with Doofus Dude.

So, after going home to get the kids we drive up there. We tell her what we want and she gets it done and printed just perfectly. While she's stenciling out the insides of the lettering she is bent over and it is there that makes the whole chaos of the journey worth the adventure as her low cut shirt hangs down and we view a perfect shot of her ampleness. i look at Amo who is grinning like a two year old holding a lollypop... i laugh, shake my head and can't help but look back at the wonderfulness of the situation and figuring out that everything that happens has a purpose... Amo says it's one of the best presents that i've ever gave Him...

coze

Happy Happy

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 02:20:34 GMT

Happy Happy Birthday to angelreformed!!!

OWWW!!

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 00:09:22 GMT

So today while i was working to get the boy's bedrooms in order (Amo in with the youngest since He has more patience) and i with the older son, i went to the youngests room to explain to Amo what i had told the youngest one to do, bent over to retrieve one of the older son's shoes that He has been looking for, stood up and slammed... SLAMMED... my head against the bottom of the loft bed that the youngest sleeps in. OMG!!! It hurt so bad... i feel down onto my knees and Amo actually had to pry my hands off the railing (that i had just hit my head off) so that i could crumble all the way to the floor. He stroked my hair, made sure i was okay, got me a soda and some excedrian and then made sure i was okay before sending me on my way to continue my task. My head still hurts but He's been very loving and caring to me. i get migraines really easily and i am hoping this doesn't spiral me into a long-term one since they can last for days and days in my case. He even bought me another soda (a once-a-day item for me) when He went to the store. i love how loving my Amo is...

coze

My first day off...

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 22:29:33 GMT

Okay, so today is my first day off using the new Flex schedule that my company uses for it's employees. It's weird having a day off in the middle of the work week (okay, the beginning of the work week) but i kinda like it. Except that i haven't really had time to just sit and chill. Let's see... had to call the pharamacy to figure out my youngest son's perscription, then call the school to beg for 2 of their reserve pills because the youngest is out of pills and the pharacy won't have any in until Wednesday. Then... let's see... oh... get lunch for Amo... laundry, dishes, straighten the house, grocery shopping, make Dr. appointments for the children, fight with the pharamacy because they messed my pills up (according to someone there somehow 1 pill BID for 14 days comes to 15 not 28)... oh and Amo wants me to make Him cookies and dinner...

So on top of that, the ex left for PA on Saturday morning. She was offered a position there with some friends taking care of the wife in exchange for room/board and a stipend. i am happy for her but in a way i feel like my best friend moved away... but i am also relieved... i don't have to hide food anymore or determine if the jeans in the dryer are mine or watch her sit on her computer all day instead of doing housework or taking care of the boys (that really irritated me)... So, i also have to finish cleaning out her room, packing up her stuff and moving the eldest into her room. He would rather keep the room he has and let the baby move but the baby's bed has to be totally taken apart in order to move it and i am just not keen on that.

Other than that, not much going on... just another lovely day in paradise. i am grateful for my family and grateful for my place in it.

coze

A talk... a punishment... and a reminder...

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 02:44:22 GMT

So i have been quite a brat lately... not that i meant to be but when i don't want to talk about something that is rolling around inside my head i turn into a brat, hiding in my room away from everyone so i don't have to deal with the crap that i should deal with but don't deal with in the first place. Last night, after two nights of me hiding in my room completely and not talking to anyone, Amo finally nailed me down and made me tell Him what was wrong with me. i went out... loudly... ranting and screaming about how i felt about certain things (which i can't post about but were directly related to Him). He listened quietly, interjecting His thoughts in a few places and waited until i was done. i finally ended my rant with 'i can't handle this anymore, you handle it.' That was probably the biggest mistake. Shortly after that He began to massage me but His massage quickly turned into swats. After a handful of those, i was trussed up to the rack. i think He used every toy hanging on the wall on my backside. At the end He told me that i was never forget that He was always handling it but perhaps not the way that i wished He would and for that i needed to deal with it. By the time He released me, i was a crying begging mess at His feet - right where He likes me. After some awesome sex, i slept like a baby - actually better than i had in a long time.

i guess i should remember, even in those times i don't want to, that He's taking care of things and they probably aren't being taken care of the way that i want it to be. That's hard for me to remember sometimes. He learned though that when i start to retreat into the bedroom it's probably not because i'm ill but because i'm avoiding something.

coze

Rotten People...

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 17:06:52 GMT

Why does this world have to have rotten people in it?? Last night - okay actually sometime this morning between 12am and 5am someone - we think the person that Amo let stay here for two weeks because he was down on his luck broke into our house, stole all of the video game systems from the Rec Room - which although disheartening would've been okay if he would've stuck to that part of the house because it's not physically in the house. It didn't stop there though. He actually came into the house and stole all the video games less than 20 feet from where our youngest son was sleeping on the couch... I am so upset, sad and scared now. What I'm really upset is that we kicked this guy out because little things started missing. We couldn't prove it was him but things didn't start missing before he came along. We were trying to take a proactive approach to things. Yesterday, we noticed that almost all the Wii controllers were missing and went out and bought a new one as well as let the boys spend their birthday money (over $100 in games). The thing I'm really pissed off about is that while this hurts us in the long run having to replace all the stuff, right now it only hurts the boys... *cries* This really sucks!

Really Awesome Movie

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 22:25:08 GMT

Just watched a really awesome movie with Amo. It's called Black Snake Moan... WOW!! That's all i can say... WOW!!

Half a Boob Cake and a Severed Head

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 18:00:06 GMT

So last night was Amo's ex's birthday party. We set the rules for the house - no drinking if under 21, ejected from the property if you break something, steal, or fight and all drinkers must have a non-drinking driver to take them home. It was great because Sergeant was the bouncer and nobody was going to fuck with him. Despite the lead singer having a broken foot, the band showed up... Moyra is a local band and a friend of one ours... they were wonderful. Did a mini set in our rec room. I think there were about 30 people all told in and out all night. i would honestly have to look at the pictures to count people to get an accurate count... Another friend of our made the cake. It was a penis shooting cum into a pair of tits and then a tounge at the top of the tits... it was really cute. When i woke up this morning all that was left of the cake was one boob and the shaft of the penis... it's actually quite commical and if Amo had not have bought me crappy dollar store batteries for my digital camera i might have gotten more pictures.

i actually didn't stay up for the whole party... and was in bed around midnight. My doctor is making me have a period because he's worried if i don't (i can go months on end without one) that i will get cancer. Last night was that first night of my period and i had no energy or enthusiasm. The party broke down about 3am after two hours of hearing the ex scream in pain shortly after hearing a tell-tale smack against her ass. i honestly was getting tired of it because while i am sure it was hurting her i think she was screaming more for the effect than anything else. i finally sent a text to Amo that said 'either stop beating her or put a ballgag in her pie hole'.

Today will probably be cleaning up of the mess that was left from last night. As far as i can tell nobody is left here from the party. The kids went to my mothers - we try not to perform acts of hedionism and debauchary around the kids - and will be home this afternoon. Amo will probably ground me to the couch because that's what He does during these times. Who knows... all is well though.

coze

Email Sucks!!!

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 02:38:48 GMT

So, today i found a perfect reason for why email sucks. On Monday my mom's friend, who i lovingly refer to as my uncle, passed away. So instead of making phone calls to let people know of this seriously premature tragedy, his boyfriend and roommate decided to send a mass email out to everyone to let them know of my 'uncles' passing... OMG!! My initial reaction was to go over to the house and just punch him in the face. My second reaction was to remember that things are tough and getting ahold of some of us might have been difficult - but email?!?!

coze

Friday!!!

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 03:25:09 GMT

WHEW!! It's Friday and despite my in-laws being in town, i can't tell you how relieved that i am. i am honestly very excited for this week to be over. Why? To reason in particular, it just seems that this week was very taxing and strenuous on my brain and body. i tried to not let things get to me but sometimes i just wanted to throw things and go crazy. i tried not to go off the deep end and actually think that i did a pretty good job of it. i started writing during the last hour of my work since there really isn't anything to do and nobody pays attention to me anyway. What am i writing? Just thoughts that i've had and ideas that i've had floating around in my head. It was nice to get them out on paper and not be roaming around in my head.

There is nothing planned for the weekend and with the in-laws in town that means that we will have more time to putter around instead of doing this and that and taking care of the kids. My in-laws love their grandchildren and when they are in town spend mostly every waking moment of their time with them. So the big question is, what am i going to do with my spare time. Who knows but i can guarantee i won't be getting up early tomorrow and i won't be worrying about the kids so life will be much easier. Perhaps Amo and i will go out for a drive tomorrow. Perhaps we'll just lay in bed and watch movies all day. Who cares? i sure in the heck don't...

Dreams...

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:15:39 GMT

i really miss my friend's boyfriend from college. He was always willing and able to interrept my dreams for me and cause them to have some sort of meaning. Lately, i've been plauged with dreams of running away from situations, being found by someone and then being forced to be their 'pet'. Some of them are not so nice 'pet' situations while others are not bad at all. It's night like a one night thing though but each and every night and a different situation each night, but all with the same outcome. i end up with a nice Dom who enjoys me as their 'pet' and understands me.

Last night for example, i ran away from something only to be found on the side of the road by a guy who picked me up in His van (one of the old Econoline ones). He forced me back to His place, which was a circus type Ren Faire. In His tent there was a young gal who told me how great it was to be His pet and how i should act and such. Then He forced me to do horrible public things. My mom was even there to witness the display and and acted like it didn't bother her. At one point in time i was crawling along the floor on my hands and knees with a bit in my mouth and my mom reached out and brushed back my hair. i couldn't make out what she said, but they were soothing words - which is unlike my mother in a situation like that. Eventually, after a few more scenes, i ran away from the circus and ended up on a Greyhound bus. i curled up in the back seat and noticed at some point this guy sat next to me. He reached over, poked me with something and i fell asleep. i woke up in His bed to Him telling me that things were going to be all right now and He was going to take care of me and i was going to be a good pet for Him.

Ironically, in my own day-time relationship, i do not see myself nor ever refer to myself as a pet. i did come into my current relationship out of a bad relationship that while not publically degredating, it couldn't been alot worse had i not got out when i did. It was not a D/s relationship rather my ex did something to children that was totally horrible and is now serving a long prision sentence for his crimes. My Amo did meet me during the end of that situation and in a sense has taken care of me since then so i could see the similarities in this dream to that situation, however, i do not understand why each time i am referred to as a pet or what i am running from in the first place. Also, in a way i feel horrible because sometimes the voice of the last person breathes over into my day telling me what to do and how things should be. Kind of like a running over from the dream to my daytime life.

Does any of this make sense or am i just rambling along in chaos? i have no clue... just had to get it off my chest.

coze

Thank God!

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 15:30:10 GMT

So last night, right before we headed out for the youngest son's birthday dinner my mother-in-law calls in a panic. My in-laws are long-haul truckers and apparently last night they were going down I-80 in Indiana and a light pole slammed into their truck, taking off the top half the truck. Their first initial thought was to get the heck out of the truck, but the officers that were quickly on the scene advised against this because they were not sure if the wires that were wrapped around their truck were live or not. My in-laws sat in their truck for over an hour in the freezing cold waiting for electricity crews to get there and give the okay for parademics to pull them out. The call was to let us know what they wanted done should anything happen to both of them in the accident. We were all (the adults since we didn't tell the kids) were worried during dinner. We couldn't do anything but worry... After dinner i tried for a while to get ahold of them and was getting ready to call their company when they finally phoned us back. They were okay and staying in a hotel for the night. Their truck is totaled though and they are not sure if they are going to get a loaner truck or get flown back here to WA to pick up a new truck (since this is their home base). I just thank God today that they are okay. The situation could have turned out way worse than just a banged up truck and a lost load of stuff.

Toodles!
coze

Just plain annoyed

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 16:15:48 GMT

Okay... this is a bee-yatch post so if you don't care, then don't read...

i am so tired of getting up every morning - it doesn't matter if i have a migraine, upset stomach or gosh forbid water butt - i get up, drag my butt to the shower, get dressed and go to work. i come home and deal with whatever chaos is at home including making sure the children have done their homework, the house is picked up and sometimes (not always) dinner is made. Why would this annoy me? Because there are other people in the house that stay home because they had a bad BM in the morning or their tummy is upset or they just don't go get a job and therefore are sitting on their asses in the house doing nothing all day. i still have to hunt for work clothes in the morning because someone's idea of doing laundry is to leave it in the dryer, the remains of dinner last night are sitting - now caked to the pan and dishes - on the counter. The children's stuff isn't picked up, their shoes have been sitting in the bathroom for two days (no school yesterday) - Amo didn't go to work which means i don't get lunch packed for me - why is that a big deal - because i'm not allowed to eat unless Amo gives it to me or gives me permission to eat it... In the grand scheme of things why does this annoy me... because my checking account is already overdrawn because of a bill that i had to pay - my check goes in on the first and when it goes in i have still have nothing left because i have to pay the rent and other bills... and what do other people in the house do to help out?? Nothing... the children do nothing - despite being told to... i get home from 9 long hours of work yesterday only to be told that i have to drive Amo to pick up His truck from the shop despite the fact that He's been home since 4 and there are two other adults in the house and another car that this situation could've already been taken care of... Oh, but dinner was made when i got home initially which meant by the time i got home from taking Amo to get the truck it was cold... i just feel there is no winning for losing in this situation. i'm expected to be the good one, the happy one and continue on my trek in a polite and proper manner and all i want to do is curl up, scream and tell them all to move their asses and do something... i work... that is my chore... i shouldn't have to do everything else as well when there are other people sitting around the house doing nothing but playing video games all freakin' day... Oh... and tonight... i get to bake 35 cupcakes for my youngest step-son to take to school tomorrow for his birthday... Yippie!!! *sigh* Off to the grind... and no... i don't feel good... my stomach is upset and i wish i could just curl back up and go to bed... but i continue on... yeah yeah yeah, i know... it's what we do...

Thoughts

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 03:18:05 GMT

So yesterday was our friends son's birthday party and i think i held myself very well. i didn't sit on the furnature (which the house host didn't either) and basically kept to the conversations of the ladies instead of attempting to insert myself in the Guy's conversations. It was actually quite interesting to find that all of the couples that were there were in some degree D/s couples. i do not think i have ever been in a room with that many couples in the same place in the lifestyle. i made a comment at one point in time (a snide joke) to one of the Dom's (the house host) and He looked at Amo before He walked over, grabbed my hair back and asked me to 'try that again'. i'm a brat and i know it, but He's more strict than Amo. It was definately interesting to have someone other than Amo repremanding me though. Afterwards, Amo rubbed my shoulder in His own reassurance to the reprimand. i knew when i said my comment, that i shouldn't have said it, but i also thought that it would be blown off as my bratty nature had been in the past. Perhaps the conversations that Amo and Him are having are about more than just computers.

Last night Amo and i went out to standup comedy at the local bar. It was quite funny and W/we had fun. Too short in my opinion since Amo and i don't get much time alone. All well, the house and children must be taken care of first before myself - i do realize that.

Off for now... back to work tomorrow and more chaos will ensue there as par for the course.

coze

Quiet...

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 16:36:01 GMT

So it's been a few days since i've posted. Due to spam filters at work, i can access the site but i don't want to because the url lines show up on a report that the computer services team prints out once a month and gives to managers. Things like livejournal.com/living ds probably isn't the best thing to see on that report. By the time i get home at the end of the day i am so exhausted i just can't seem to find time to do more than check messages and run off again to something in the house that needs my attention. So, in the quiet of the morning, i sit and contemplate. All i can think about is how blessed i am to be in this life - a stark change to my life just five years ago. My Amo's house is full of living people - adults and children and though none of the children are mine, i am happy about that.

Amo is start to exert more power again. i think He noticed that i was getting a little out of hand and also He's been talking more on the phone to a friend of ours who is a Dom - which i talk to alot on chat. Not that i have told said Dom anything, but when Amo is not 'taking care of me' properly, i turn into a brat of the century and don't care who i am a brat to. It's the little things here and there that He's been doing like putting His hand on mine when i am preparing to eat dinner without permission or looking at me sternly when i say something i shouldn't or don't say the things i should.

Content... that is what i would describ my life as today. Content and hoping that things stay that way. Despite all the other problems with the ex having her own issues and work and money, content is the way that i stand today. Speaking of today, we are heading to a birthday party for previously mentioned Dom's son. This should be interesting to say the least.

Gonna head out for now. Have to finish lunch for potluck for church meeting and then prepare for party later since i won't have time between meeting and party. Toodles to all!

coze

Unease

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 20:43:39 GMT

i find that i miss what i once had. Though many chastized the guild that Amo and i belonged, i missing having it around. It's been quite a while since the website went down and i have not had anyone to talk to about the things that are plauging my brain. i really do wish that i had someone to talk to about my life and the things that happen or don't happen in it. i wish that i had someone to give me advice and also to give Amo advice. He has started reading the 'Waking of Sleeping Beauty' series and says that He has learned some things, but i think that exhaustion and a busy life have kept Him from putting anything into practice. i long for Him to take me as i know He can if He would exert the power over me that He has. i wish that He would more often treat me as He did the other night. i realize that my female problems can put a damper on some activities but i wish sometimes that He would just do away with my nonsense excuses and beat my ass into submission... *sigh*

i have been thinking about starting a group that sends out daily advice on how to be a better submissive. Kind of like the 'daily task' of the guild but perhaps not so strict with the measures. i realize that the daily task could or could not be followed as would the email/advice but it would be something interesting to explore. The problem is that i do not know many in this area that live the lifestyle and those that i do know i am not trusting of... we really need to get out and meet more people. i wish that things had not occured the way they did with people in the past because some of them would be so helpful to have around now.

Okay... my musings over... back to work... and back to my life in the brain which as of late has been very incrediably active...